Review of conclusion text

Melissa Wen
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Showing 1 changed file with 17 additions and 19 deletions Show diff stats
opensym2017/content/12-conclusion.tex
@@ -5,34 +5,32 @@ In this paper we present and discuss issues experienced during a government-
 funded project, in partnership with University of Brasilia and University of
 São Paulo, to evolve the Brazilian Public Software portal. 
  
-The contributions of this paper are twofold. First, we present how was
-developed an unprecedent platform, delivered to Brazilian government. This 
-platform -  developed by an heterogenous team of professors, master and 
+The contributions of this paper are twofold. First, we present how an unprecedent
+platform was developed and delivered to Brazilian government. This 
+platform - developed by an heterogenous team of professors, masters and 
 undergraduate  students, IT professionals and governmental managers - provides 
 several modern features from the integration of more than 10 FLOSS systems.
  
-Second, the 30 months project which developed this platform results in an
-important case that it is possible to mitigate issues seen as conflicting to IT
-development environment and between industry and academy. We shown that, as
-long as the institution can provide a healthy and challenging environment to
-its students, its is possible to conciliate studies and professional training
+Second, the thirty-month long project in which the SPB platform was developed points
+out that it is possible to mitigate issues seen as conflicting to the IT
+development environment and between industry and academy. The team was engaged in
+providing a friendly working environment as well as in showing to governmental agents
+another way to interact with the FLOSS community and the university. In the paper,
+we try to show that, as long as the institution can provide a healthy and challenging
+environment to its students, one may conciliate studies and professional training
 in universities. After the end of the project, some students successfully
 embraced opportunities in public and private sectos, within national borders
 and abroad. Some others went further and started their own companies.
-We also shown that, with some adaptations/"translation processes", was possible
-to conciliate agile methodologies and FOSS practices to develop software to 
+We also demonstrate that, with some adaptations/"translation processes", it is feasible
+to conciliate agile methodologies and FOSS practices in order to develop software to 
 governmental organizations with functional hierarchical structures that use 
 traditional development paradigm.
  
-In the SPB project it was employed many of our beliefs about FLOSS and Agile
-practices.  The team was engaged in creating a friendly environment for everyone
-involved in the project and in showing to government agents another way to
-interact with the FLOSS community and the university. With an open work style,
-the project has seeked to be transparent for the whole society. We belive it is
-still needed to analyze every data produced by the project and its impact on the
-students. For future work, we would conduce a \textit{post-mortem} analyse in the
-project, seeing that we have many open data to be explored and it was applied
-approachs which still need extra validation.
+Future work should use the many data produced by the project to validate and evaluate
+how the used FLOSS and Agile practices have impacted the students and also the
+governmental development process. For this, we would conduce a \textit{post-mortem}
+analyse using the project open data and a survey targeted the involved actors.
+
  
 The portal is available at \url{softwarepublico.gov.br}. All
 documentation, including detailed architecture and operation manuals are
...	...	@@ -5,34 +5,32 @@ In this paper we present and discuss issues experienced during a government-
5	5	funded project, in partnership with University of Brasilia and University of
6	6	São Paulo, to evolve the Brazilian Public Software portal.
7	7
8		-The contributions of this paper are twofold. First, we present how was
9		-developed an unprecedent platform, delivered to Brazilian government. This
10		-platform - developed by an heterogenous team of professors, master and
	8	+The contributions of this paper are twofold. First, we present how an unprecedent
	9	+platform was developed and delivered to Brazilian government. This
	10	+platform - developed by an heterogenous team of professors, masters and
11	11	undergraduate students, IT professionals and governmental managers - provides
12	12	several modern features from the integration of more than 10 FLOSS systems.
13	13
14		-Second, the 30 months project which developed this platform results in an
15		-important case that it is possible to mitigate issues seen as conflicting to IT
16		-development environment and between industry and academy. We shown that, as
17		-long as the institution can provide a healthy and challenging environment to
18		-its students, its is possible to conciliate studies and professional training
	14	+Second, the thirty-month long project in which the SPB platform was developed points
	15	+out that it is possible to mitigate issues seen as conflicting to the IT
	16	+development environment and between industry and academy. The team was engaged in
	17	+providing a friendly working environment as well as in showing to governmental agents
	18	+another way to interact with the FLOSS community and the university. In the paper,
	19	+we try to show that, as long as the institution can provide a healthy and challenging
	20	+environment to its students, one may conciliate studies and professional training
19	21	in universities. After the end of the project, some students successfully
20	22	embraced opportunities in public and private sectos, within national borders
21	23	and abroad. Some others went further and started their own companies.
22		-We also shown that, with some adaptations/"translation processes", was possible
23		-to conciliate agile methodologies and FOSS practices to develop software to
	24	+We also demonstrate that, with some adaptations/"translation processes", it is feasible
	25	+to conciliate agile methodologies and FOSS practices in order to develop software to
24	26	governmental organizations with functional hierarchical structures that use
25	27	traditional development paradigm.
26	28
27		-In the SPB project it was employed many of our beliefs about FLOSS and Agile
28		-practices. The team was engaged in creating a friendly environment for everyone
29		-involved in the project and in showing to government agents another way to
30		-interact with the FLOSS community and the university. With an open work style,
31		-the project has seeked to be transparent for the whole society. We belive it is
32		-still needed to analyze every data produced by the project and its impact on the
33		-students. For future work, we would conduce a \textit{post-mortem} analyse in the
34		-project, seeing that we have many open data to be explored and it was applied
35		-approachs which still need extra validation.
	29	+Future work should use the many data produced by the project to validate and evaluate
	30	+how the used FLOSS and Agile practices have impacted the students and also the
	31	+governmental development process. For this, we would conduce a \textit{post-mortem}
	32	+analyse using the project open data and a survey targeted the involved actors.
	33	+
36	34
37	35	The portal is available at \url{softwarepublico.gov.br}. All
38	36	documentation, including detailed architecture and operation manuals are
...	...